Have you ever deserved to get fired? Maybe it’s just the thing you need in life. In this episode, Scott and Dina come off of hiatus to share how they just got fired and how you might need to get fired too!
There is a simple but powerful thing you can do in all your relationships to get more romance in your life. Scott, Dina, and Ryan discuss in this week’s episode.
How are you supposed to ‘Keep it real’ without being a fool? How should you share with wisdom? What is the one thing more important than transparency? Scott and Dina answer these questions in this episode.
In this episode Scott and Dina discuss the difference between being “real” foolishly and being real wisely. There are many references in scripture, but none more to the point than Proverbs 29:11:
A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.
Feelings are matters of the heart. The Bible teaches us in Jeremiah 17:9:
The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
A classic example of the inappropriate venting of feelings is when we are angry at someone and react by sharing our pain or disappointment with them or someone else while still caught up in our emotions. This is almost never profitable, and almost always leads to resentment and misunderstanding. In the heat of the moment it is better to hold one’s tongue, take a deep breath, and let our “feelings” subside. Then, if it remains an issue for us, we should seek wise counsel from someone who is emotionally and spiritually more mature than we are.
The big lie is that we are not being real if we don’t express what’s in our heart. But what we have to say in the heat of the moment can be damaging and almost never has the desired effect. After we have cooled down, we usually regret our actions and find that understanding and healing are required to restore relationships. The bottom line is that there are times when it is appropriate to express our emotions and times when it is not. The criteria for our decision should center on whether or not something “good” will come of it.
Related, but not associated with anger or passion, is the difference between speaking one’s mind and discernment. Women, because they are typically more attuned to feelings, are better at this than men. A good rule of thumb is if it is not edifying or might cause the listener discomfort, it is best left unsaid. Once again, the wise man controls his tongue.
In a somewhat different context, and often misunderstood, is the distinction between transparency and vulnerability. Transparency is positive, it lets people know who we are, and it’s not that difficult. We can share some pretty intimate stuff without putting ourselves at risk. Being vulnerable on the other hand implies risk, in that what you are sharing can be used to hurt you. Transparency is good, but not hard to do. Vulnerability is essential, but very uncomfortable. It is, however, vitally important to our well-being and continued growth that we share our innermost secrets with trusted people in our lives.
To keep it real in a wise and loving way don’t miss an episode of NOTW Christian Podcast.
Is it possible to experience freedom from sexual addictions? Yes, it is and you don’t have to wait until your marriage or life is ruined. Blaine Bartel shares some simple ways that you can get on the road to recovery.
There is a type of intelligence that will predict how successful you are in life and how satisfying your relationship will be. The good news is that you can increase this type of intelligence any time you want! Listen and discover how to get get the right kind of smarter.
There is one thing that if not done right will undermine and destroy your relationships. But if you take the time and invest in this one key relationship principle, you’ll grow and strengthen your relationships.
Scott and Dina discuss the most important factor in preserving relationships, and that is communication. This may seem obvious. We’ve all experienced the positive and negative results that come from good and bad communication. What is not obvious are the underlying reasons that some attempts at communication are fruitful while others are less than satisfactory.
The first aspect of communication that is helpful to understand is that there are distinctly different styles, and certain combinations are very challenging. Much has been written about this area of human relations, but for purposes of this discussion we will examine three primary styles.
First are the volatile communicators. They tend to be loud and passionate. They frequently use hand gestures and you always know where they stand. This is a learned behavior and typical of certain cultures such as Italian and Middle Eastern. A side note is that passionate communicators report greater passion in other areas of their relationships.
Second are the negotiators. When conflict arises, they will thoughtfully acknowledge the other person’s point of view, and are ready to sit down and calmly discuss the matter. This will be viewed by many to be the Christian approach. There is typically less passion in their relationships.
A third distinct group are the avoiders. Their tendency is to walk away from conflict, avoiding it whenever possible. They hold onto the memories of past discomfort and resist any discussion that might lead to feeling that way again.
The reason it’s important to understand these different communication styles is that the greatest risk of destroying our relationships occurs when we fail at conflict resolution. This is when friendships are broken and marriages end in divorce. Conflict is inevitable, and how we handle it determines whether it’s going to damage or strengthen our relationships. While it might appear that the negotiators have a better grasp of conflict resolution, the fact is that none of the styles are wrong and they can all work. The key is that both parties use the same one. If they are predisposed to different styles, one or both must change. The good news is that communication styles can be chosen, and the conscious effort pays off. You can imagine the pain and frustration of a “volatile” and an “avoider” trying to work through a serious issue while stuck in their inherent styles. (Or maybe you don’t need to imagine this.) Even avoiders can negotiate as long as they feel safe and have a way out of the discussion at any given moment.
In summary, the first step is to determine what kind of communicator we are, then we identify the style of the person with whom we seek resolution. After that we either agree on the style we are both going to use or, if necessary, we accommodate the other person’s style. Finally we agree on the ground rules; what is allowed and what is not. Examples of what might not be permitted are name calling or threats. An allowed condition might be giving the other person some time and space if they ask for it. It’s as simple as that!
This is the formula for effective conflict resolution without destroying your relationships. For more helpful teachings on human (and spiritual) relations don’t miss an episode of NOTW Christian Podcast.
Bitterness and unforgiveness can cause spiritual, mental, emotional, and even physical problems in your life. Forgiveness is the key to healing and freedom. In this episode, Scott and Dina talk about how to get on the road to forgiveness.
Discover the 3 simple steps to hook your holy hottie. In this episode, Scott and Dina share the 3 things you can do to find Mr or Mrs right… and keep them!
How do you have healthy dating relationships? What does the Bible say about dating? How do you ensure that you set your dating relationship up for success? Scott, Dina, and Ryan answer all these questions and much more in this episode.
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After 10 years of marriage, Scott and Dina share the biggest lesson they have learned to have an amazing marriage about communication, understanding your role as a wife, and protecting the tenderness in the relationship.
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For Dina, the one thing that has made their marriage great is understanding the power of her words. Men are very sensitive and insecure and a wife’s words can do serious damage because their opinion means so much. And the reality is that your husband already has enough critical voices in their life. As a wife, you don’t want to add to the negative feedback he’s already getting.
Ultimately, as a wife, you need to understand your role as a wife. Your role isn’t to make him better at what he does, but to support, encourage, and uplift him.
For Scott, the one thing that has made their marriage great is defusing tense situations with humor. It’s a powerful release valve when negative emotions begin to build up. It allows you to talk and deal with the issue without letting your emotions cloud your judgment.
Ultimately, one of the goals in Scott and Dina’s marriage is to be tenderhearted towards each other and there is nothing worth losing tenderness int he marriage. To keep the tenderheartedness in the marriage, you need to be quick to forgive and even quicker to apologize. Because winning an argument is not worth losing the tenderheartedness in the relationship.
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